The Wagon Full of Dreams:
- Jenny Westbrook
- 17 hours ago
- 11 min read
04/18/2025
Healing the past to reclaim who we were always meant to be.
When Creativity Becomes a Prison
I’ve always been a creative. I see the world through patterns, shapes, colors, and design. I feel deeply. I dream big. It’s just how I’m wired… authentically.
But that huge part of me was changed that day.
At such a young age, my path...the one I believe I was meant to walk was altered. I learned it was safer to hide that part of me, so I locked it away.
I still did what was required, obviously—school art projects, the occasional crafty thing. But the joy? The freedom? The true escape? Not anymore.
What once brought peace to my soul became a reminder of my biggest fear: rejection.
That loud reminder playing over and over again echoing in your head… “You’re not good enough.” And when you learn that your creativity can hurt you… it’s easier to stay silent. To put your visions and dreams away. To shrink them down until they’re unrecognizable. It was safer that way.
.
The Wagon Full of Dreams
I was about five or six, and everyone in the house was busy. My dad was at work, and I wandered into his office and found a stack of that thin typing paper. I grabbed some watercolor paints and disappeared into the basement. I painted for hours. I got lost in the colors, the shapes, and in the peace of creating something that felt like me. It was magic.
I wasn’t thinking about who would like it or if it was any good. I just painted because it made me feel alive and like my true self.
By the time the sun began to set, my paintings had finally dried. While I’d been waiting, I had also made some perfume using my Barbie perfume maker and added little labels to them. I loaded it all into my little red wagon...the stack of crinkly colorful paintings and the tiny bags of perfume. I made a sign for my wagon too, taped it to the side, and proudly rolled down the driveway with my own little creative business. I went to the first neighbor’s house, excited to share what I had made. She wasn’t home. But that didn’t stop me. At the next house, the neighbor smiled and eagerly looked through my art, carefully choosing her favorite. She handed me a dime. That dime might as well have been a million dollars.
I felt seen.
My art was seen.
It was valued.
It made me feel like I really mattered.
As I rolled away, I was on cloud nine. I was already dreaming about which piece of art the next house might choose…
And that’s when I heard it.
“JEEEENNNNYYYYY!”
Just like that, my dream was over.....
What That Moment Really Took
My mother was furious. Embarrassed and ashamed of my behavior. She made me return the dime and apologize to the neighbor for “selling her trash.” She wadded up the remaining paintings and perfumes and threw them in the garbage. I was told to take a bath and go to bed—and yes, I was grounded too.
I remember crying in the bathtub, feeling destroyed, and then crying myself to sleep that night.
That day didn’t start the shrinking inside of me...I was already learning, in small daily ways, how to make myself smaller… how to keep the peace in my home and be who she needed me to be.
That day changed who I was and who I was willing to show the world. It solidified a belief inside me:
That my creativity—and who I truly was—wasn’t valuable. That what I saw as beautiful and meaningful… was shameful.
It was trash.
In yet another thing I did, I was not enough. And no matter how hard I tried, I never would be. I was the dirty secret...the adopted child who didn’t fit who she needed me to be. My voice didn’t matter, and what made me feel whole and at peace was not worth anything. And if what I made was trash… then maybe I was too.
🟣 “Sometimes the rejection we face isn’t a reflection of our worth; it’s a reflection of someone else’s inability to see our value. The healing journey is about learning to see it for ourselves… and finding your way back to who you’ve always been.”
It Wasn’t the First Time I Was Silenced…
But it was the first time I remember feeling ashamed of my art and the reflection of me in it. That moment didn’t just ruin a childhood memory. It changed who I was and who I was willing to show the world. It planted something deep inside me...a belief:
That I wasn’t good enough.
That I wasn’t talented.
That I wasn’t worthy of being seen.
From that day forward, creating wasn’t joyful anymore. I never got to escape in it again. It became painful. Sure, I went through the motions in school, but the girl with the red wagon expressing who she was freely and being so proud faded and so did her art and her dreams.
That Moment Wasn’t Isolated.
My home was filled with unspoken rules. And the loudest rule for me was this:
Do not be you.
Be quiet.
Be obedient.
Be small.
And above all… never make her look bad.
I spent most of my life trying to be a version of myself that would finally be “enough.”
But no matter how hard I tried, I never was.
Not for her.
Not for the world.
And eventually, not even for me.
🟣 Trying to become someone else is exhausting. The real freedom begins when you realize you were never too much you were just too bright for the wrong rooms
I Only Recently Found My Way Back to Me
For many years, I didn’t paint.
I didn’t draw.
I didn’t write—not in a way that felt like me.
It wasn’t until I began getting really sick—undiagnosed for 7 years with Lyme disease and neuro Lyme that I was forced to slow down.
And in that stillness, something unexpected happened.
That little girl showed up again.
She still wanted to paint.
To draw.
To create.
To be honest, I thought I was losing it...not to mention I was bored out of my mind.
But something in me listened.
And I picked up a paint brush.
That was the beginning of the most unexpected, meaningful journey of my life and how we ended up here in The Polkadot Space.
It is when this crazy journey of the Polkadots took over my world!
The fear of not being enough isn’t your truth. Your worth lives inside of you—like a quiet little spot that’s always been there, waiting for you to remember it.
I Wonder Who I Might’ve Been…
What if she had smiled at my dreams?
What if she had framed one of those little paintings and said, “Wow, look what you made!”?
What if she had believed in me enough that I might have learned to believe in myself, too?
I’ll never know that version of my life.
But I do know this:
It’s not too late for me, and it’s not too late for you to chase your own unique dreams.
You don’t need permission to take up space. You’ve had the right to shine since the day you were born.
Reclaiming Your Light
That moment with the wagon, the shame, the rejection...it was never my truth.
They were just moments that happened.
Words spoken from pain, not from love.
They do not define me.
And I should have never given them any control over me. And they don’t have to define you, either.
You are worthy of love.
You are worthy of space.
You are worthy of creating, dreaming, and being exactly who you are.
You don’t have to earn your worth.
You don’t have to shrink.
And your creations are not ever meant to look like anything other than how you see them.
Your visions and talents are unique to you.
You can rise.
You can heal.
You can create.
You can reclaim every part of yourself and your story that was made to feel like it didn’t matter and turn it all around.
Maybe your spark is still in there too...just waiting to be seen. I have found my purpose lies in the pain and that by processing it and working through it, I can overcome what has held me back all along. By hiding it, it causes shame and self-doubt. When we own our truth is where we gain our power.
It’s never too late!
Because sometimes, healing isn’t about becoming someone new. It’s about returning to who you were before the world told you to be someone else.
Check out these FREE affirmation cards:
Polkadot Tools to Reclaim Your Creative Joy
Create Without Approval Make something just for fun today. Not for likes. Not for praise. For you.
Write Your Truth Make a list of what you loved as a kid. What made you feel free? Revisit one of those things this week.
Speak Kindly to Yourself Replace that old voice with your own. Try saying aloud: “My voice matters. My creativity is valuable. I am enough.”
Find Your People Surround yourself with those who celebrate your dreams—not those who shame them.
Safe spaces are sacred.
A few true friends are better than many.
The more you can be yourself, the more your true friends will find you. Warning: You may lose some people along the way, but trust me when I say the right people—the true people, the people who hold your light and your dreams and keep them safe—will find you. You will find depth, truth, and security in relationships like you never dreamed.
The Power of Sharing Your Truth:
Helping Others Heal
You may wonder why I’m sharing this story. Why I’m exposing my wounds to the world. The truth is, I’m not doing it just for me. I’m doing it because I believe that our stories have the power to heal others. By sharing what we’ve been through, we help others see that they aren’t alone in their struggles. We give them permission to face their own shadows, to let go of their shame, and to begin their own healing process.
Sharing your story can be a powerful tool for healing. You don’t have to share everything with everyone, but consider writing down parts of your story that you feel comfortable with. Start with a safe space ...a therapist, a journal, or a close friend. You might be surprised at how much relief it brings.
Thank you for sharing in my journey. I hope that my story will help you reflect on your own conditioning and rediscover your truth as well.
Our pain lies in the shadows, but by facing them and healing, we create light. That light can shine for others, rippling out the into the world.
Be sure to check out the past blogs for more insights and stay tuned for new ones too...
Together we can change the world, one polkadot at a time.
I hope you join me on the journey. Until next time...
Dream BIG, enjoy the journey, and always remember to spread Polkadots wherever you go!
With Love, Light, and Polkadots,
Jenny
Where All the Dots Connect...
a place where each small step leads to something greater. This is where I share the story of my own healing journey—how life’s unexpected challenges, personal growth, and reflection led me to discover my true purpose. It’s here that the dots, both big and small, come together to form a picture of healing, gratitude, and connection.
The journey began as I found myself searching for purpose, looking for ways to heal and grow from the struggles I had faced throughout my life. I had no plans to share my story with others, but as I worked through my own healing, something incredible happened: I was led to create Polkadot Pickle Books.
Originally written for my own children, these stories were meant to pass on life lessons, positivity, and mindfulness. But as I wrote, I found that my own path of healing was unfolding in ways I had never expected.
This series of children’s books became a reflection of my own healing process and the lessons I had learned. Writing them allowed me to find my voice, heal my inner child, and reconnect with the joy and purpose I had been missing.
The Polkadot Circle is the next step in this journey—a space where I share the deeper stories behind the books and the healing tools that helped me along the way. This is a space for adults who are looking to heal, reflect, and find new ways to navigate life’s challenges. Whether you’re dealing with personal struggles, trauma, or just the day-to-day stress of life, the Polkadot Circle is here to support your growth and help you find your way forward.
While Polkadot Pickle Books offer lessons for children, The Polkadot Circle is where adults can explore their own healing paths. It’s about embracing self-compassion, understanding our past, and finding strength to move forward, one small step at a time. Together, we can uncover the dots that connect us all, creating a journey filled with growth, mindfulness, and healing.
The Dot Shoppe is where you’ll find tools, gifts, and resources to support your journey—whether it’s healing tools, mindful gifts, Polkadot Pickle Book merchandise, or thoughtful apparel to remind you to stay kind to yourself and others. It’s a place to find inspiration, encouragement, and a reminder that every step of your journey matters.
Thank you for being here, for being part of this healing journey. Together, let’s continue to grow, learn, and embrace the power of healing. Let’s change the world, one polkadot at a time.
Healing starts with small steps, and I'm here to help with free Polkadot Space tips and tools for your journey. From empowering affirmations to mindful practices, these resources are designed to support your growth and help you embrace your authentic self. Start your healing today with these free downloads.
Pop in and grab "The Hidden Dots in the Shadow Starter Kit" For only $3
"The Hidden Dots in the Shadows Starter Kit" is a 17-page PDF designed to guide you through the beginning stages of your healing journey. It offers simple yet powerful tools to help you start facing your inner shadows and embracing the path of self-discovery. Inside, you’ll find:
Shadow Work Overview
5 Journal Prompts
Reflection Pages
Affirmations
Stay tuned! The full Hidden Dots in the Shadows workbook will be available soon to support you even further on your journey.
Looking for resources to help your children learn valuable life lessons? Pop over to Polkadot Pickle Books for fun, engaging stories that teach mindfulness, gratitude, and kindness!
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