The Silence That Shaped Me:
- Jenny Westbrook
- 5 days ago
- 14 min read
04/13/2025
Learning to Speak My Truth
Uncovering the Hidden Wounds:
A Journey of Realization
For most of my life, I believed these wounds had healed. That I had somehow overcome the deepest parts of my pain from my childhood and that I was beyond and past those things. But three years ago, the same wounds I had buried inside for so long were ripped wide open in new ways. And this time, it broke me in ways I never saw coming.
At first, I couldn't understand why it felt like everything hit me so hard and felt like life was crashing down on me. How could something so far in my past, something I had already lived through affect me this hard? But it wasn’t about the current situation at all. It went way deeper than that, it was about the layers of pain I hadn’t acknowledged from my past that came back to haunt me. It was about the shadows I had been carrying since I was a little girl, and the wounds that had never been fully processed.
It was all a shock. It was like the pain inside me that had been suppressed, had resurfaced, ready to be seen, ready to be dealt with. At first, I resisted. I didn’t want to look at the broken pieces. But as the old wounds bled into my present life and family, I realized that healing starts with understanding what hurt us in the first place.
The Silence That Bound Me:
Why We Hide Our Truths
My entire life, I have been afraid to speak. Afraid to tell my truth and my story. I kept those parts of myself locked away, ashamed, believing they made me “less than” other people because well, that’s what I was always taught and conditioned from a very young age to believe.
What if people knew my truth?
Now that I’m older, I understand the manipulation and the unhealthy environment I grew up in but for some reason the same voice that shut me down when I spoke still lives rent free in my head. I’ve also felt guilt for even wanting to speak at all. Like somehow by sharing and overcoming that voice in my head I was betraying others when really, I am just betraying myself and not doing what I believe in and that is to share my stories to help someone else who maybe has felt as alone as I have, or who just needs to face the pain and shadows in their own life.
I thought I was protecting others with my silence, protecting my family, keeping the peace. But in doing that, I was just suffocating myself and my own voice. I had become a prisoner of my own emotions and I could not escape.
If you find yourself in silence... whether from fear of judgment or pain, take one small step today to break that silence. Write down your thoughts, share a piece of your story with a trusted friend, or simply start by acknowledging your own feelings. Sometimes just giving voice to your inner world can be the first step toward healing.
The Home That Shaped My Silence:
I didn’t know I was adopted. I didn’t find out until the third grade. But even before I knew that truth, I instinctively understood my role in the home I was in. My mother was a narcissist, though I had no idea what that word meant back then. The screaming, the tension, the constant need to walk on eggshells, or the sounds of her feet stomping down the hall… it was a lot to handle as a child. From as early as I can remember, I somehow knew I needed to shrink myself and suppress who I was born to be. I was expected to be her doll — to perform, to speak only when she wanted, to dress the way she wanted, to look a certain way, to act a certain way. And never, ever rock the boat and whatever you do…. you definitely do not tell the “dirty secret” that you are adopted. Admittedly, I am a little stubborn and hard-headed, and I didn’t always follow these rules, which caused even more chaos, teaching me and setting up the patterns I would follow for my entire life, patterns that made me shrink myself in absolutely everything I’ve ever done.
My dad, on the other hand, was different. He was the kindest, most loving, empathetic, and compassionate man I’ve ever known. He was an empath. I see that clearly now. He tried with everything he had to calm the storms, to make her calm, to keep the peace. He was an amazing man: strong, gentle, and kind. He got me out of that house every chance he could. I’d go to work with him, we’d go on little mini-vacations. Every Friday night was “Family night.” It was always just the two of us, and those were some of my best memories growing up: our TV show lineup, popcorn and fried Cheerios, always some yummy snacks, and hanging out with my dad. What I wouldn’t do for one more of those nights with him.
What I didn’t understand then, but see so clearly now, is that he only stayed with her for me. He sacrificed his life for mine, so that I knew love. I used to ask him why he didn’t leave. I remember especially in junior high and high school, feeling so frustrated that he wouldn’t just walk away. He’d always say, “I don’t know how to raise a girl.” But he did. He was my mom and dad wrapped up into one. It is hard to look back on now, his life was not easy and now seeing how he sacrificed most of his life for me touches my heart in ways I cannot explain. I will forever be grateful, not only to have had him as my dad but also to have had his undying, unconditional love.
After his passing, so much of what I hadn’t understood before became clear. He stayed because he knew he wouldn’t get custody of me. In those days, a dad was not ever going to get custody. My dad stayed to protect me. To show me love. His unconditional love is what kept me going through every dark season of my life, even now. He was the best man I’ve ever known. And his love is a legacy that lives on in my children and I. He is a huge part of why I created the polkadots. Without him, my world would’ve gone dark a long time ago.
When you’ve grown up in an environment where your truth is constantly challenged, it’s easy to lose sight of who you are. Take time to reflect on your childhood, but don’t get lost in the past. Instead, focus on identifying the parts of you that were suppressed. Write down what you need to heal from and explore what parts of yourself you’ve lost touch with.
The Question That Shook My World
“Well… what does it feel like to be adopted?”
That question echoed in my head.
My friend had no idea the gravity of what she had just asked me that day in the third-grade bathroom.
I didn’t even know I was adopted.
My memory of that day is black, I don’t remember much of what happened next. But I know I was full of questions. Questions my mother wasn’t ready for… or willing to answer.
As it turned out, my friend had overheard a phone call between her mom and my brother’s girlfriend’s mom. And in that one casual overheard conversation my truth and the “dirty secret” was out. Not to me. Not with honesty and love. Just… out there.
Much like the life-changing news I received three years ago, that moment must have cracked something wide open in me. I was so young… how could I have possibly processed something that big and not be allowed to talk about it?
My friend thought I of course already knew. She was just curious and had not known anyone who was adopted so of course she was curious and asked!
But surprisingly to us both…. I didn’t know.
And with that one innocent question, everything I thought I knew about myself shifted and changed.
What followed was a childhood, and a lifetime filled with questions I was never allowed to ask about. School projects about family trees were a real trigger for me. Any talk about ancestry would send me into a quiet spiral and then push me to question her again. I desperately wanted to know where I came from, but every time I brought it up, I was punished. Grounded for two weeks for each and every question. Shamed. Silenced. And my dad? He was warned not to talk about it either or he’d pay the price too.
I grew up in a house where questions weren’t welcome, and silence was survival.
But the wondering never left me. Even as I got older, even though I didn’t ask as often, I still asked. I still hoped. I kept reaching for scraps of the truth, hoping that maybe one day, I’d get just one small piece of truth. Just one honest answer.
I craved the truth with every ounce of my soul. I needed it. I needed to know my story for reasons I couldn’t even explain. There was something in me that knew those missing pieces mattered. That they were part of who I was, and I couldn’t feel whole without them.
But I learned quickly and often that speaking up only brought more pain and punishment.
So, I suppressed. I shrank. I silenced myself.
I became a people pleaser. The girl who learned to accept breadcrumbs for love and be who everyone else needed me to be because even a crumb felt better than being completely discarded and abandoned. Apparently, I was not good enough to just be loved the way I saw my friends' parents love them. My adoptive mother treated my adoption like a shameful dirty secret. It wasn’t talked about. There was something wrong and broken about me, something I could never fix or change, it was who I was...
And yet… the truth, who I was, was always there but I just couldn't find it. Unspoken. Unacknowledged. Like a shadow that was always there.
Even when I finally found what I thought was my truth years later, that shadow never stopped following me.
It’s okay to not have all the answers about your identity. You don’t need to know every detail of your past to move forward. Begin by accepting the parts of your story that you do know and explore those. Understanding where you’ve come from doesn’t mean you need to get bogged down by every detail ... it means acknowledging the truth of who you are today, and building from there.
Facing the Truth:
The Power of Confronting Your Shadows
When we avoid our shadows, they don’t disappear. They grow stronger, more elusive, and more powerful. I spent years hiding from my past, suppressing the feelings that hurt me, hoping they would just go away. But shadows don’t leave. They linger and transform into something even more dangerous…they become our fears, our anxiety, our limiting beliefs.
It wasn’t until I learned to face those shadows head-on that I began to heal. I had to sit with the pain, the shame, and the fear. I had to look at the parts of myself I didn’t want to see. The anger. The sadness. The resentment. But it was only when I stopped running from these feelings that I could process them and start to move forward.
Confronting your shadows doesn’t mean you have to dive into the darkest parts of your soul all at once. Start small. Take one painful memory, one feeling, and allow yourself to sit with it. Ask yourself: What do I need to learn from this? What can this teach me about myself? Healing is about transformation, not just confrontation.
Letting Go of the Shame: Reclaiming Your Story
Shame feeds on secrecy. It tells us that we are broken, that we are unworthy, that our truths are too messy to be shared. For years, I carried the weight of shame, believing that by hiding my past, I was protecting myself and others. But what I was really doing was keeping myself a prisoner.
Letting go of shame was the hardest part of my healing. It meant acknowledging that I wasn’t perfect. That I had been hurt. That I had struggled. It meant being okay with not having everything figured out, and embracing the fact that my journey was messy. But once I let go of that shame, I finally felt free. This is part of that journey. I realize not that the struggles I have been through are part of my power. By embracing them instead of hiding them inside and from others you find your strength.
If shame is holding you back, ask yourself where it’s coming from. Is it a voice from your past? A belief someone else instilled in you? You don’t need to carry that burden any longer. Reclaim your story. Start by writing down your experiences and the emotions tied to them. Let go of the narrative that doesn’t serve you, and rewrite your own truth.
Check out these FREE affirmation cards:
The Power of Sharing Your Truth:
Helping Others Heal
You may wonder why I’m sharing this story. Why I’m exposing my wounds to the world. The truth is, I’m not doing it just for me. I’m doing it because I believe that our stories have the power to heal others. By sharing what we’ve been through, we help others see that they aren’t alone in their struggles. We give them permission to face their own shadows, to let go of their shame, and to begin their own healing process.
Sharing your story can be a powerful tool for healing. You don’t have to share everything with everyone, but consider writing down parts of your story that you feel comfortable with. Start with a safe space — a therapist, a journal, or a close friend. You might be surprised at how much relief it brings.
Embracing Your Truth:
TakingYour Next Step Toward Healing
Healing isn’t a one-time event; it’s a continuous process. Some days are harder than others, and some shadows may never fully fade. But that’s okay. What matters is that you are taking steps toward embracing your truth. That you are looking at the parts of yourself that you’ve hidden and welcoming them back with compassion.
As you move forward, remember that healing is about progress, not perfection. Each step you take, no matter how small, is a victory on your journey. Enjoy your journey, be gentle with yourself, and keep moving toward a future where you are fully seen, heard, and loved for who you truly are.
Your story matters, and by reflecting on it or sharing it, you create the dots that connect your healing, growth, and finding your authentic best self. Be sure to check out past blogs for more insights and stay tuned for new ones too.
Check out The Hidden Dots in the Shadow Starter Kit a digital download to begin your healing journey today. The full workbook will be coming soon ... stay tuned!
Another chapter in this space will be coming soon or feel free to go back and read the other blogs.
Until next time, dream BIG, enjoy the journey and always remember to spread Polkadots wherever you go!
With Love, Light, and Polkadots, Jenny
Where All the Dots Connect...
a place where each small step leads to something greater. This is where I share the story of my own healing journey—how life’s unexpected challenges, personal growth, and reflection led me to discover my true purpose. It’s here that the dots, both big and small, come together to form a picture of healing, gratitude, and connection.
The journey began as I found myself searching for purpose, looking for ways to heal and grow from the struggles I had faced throughout my life. I had no plans to share my story with others, but as I worked through my own healing, something incredible happened: I was led to create Polkadot Pickle Books.
Originally written for my own children, these stories were meant to pass on life lessons, positivity, and mindfulness. But as I wrote, I found that my own path of healing was unfolding in ways I had never expected.
This series of children’s books became a reflection of my own healing process and the lessons I had learned. Writing them allowed me to find my voice, heal my inner child, and reconnect with the joy and purpose I had been missing.
The Polkadot Circle is the next step in this journey—a space where I share the deeper stories behind the books and the healing tools that helped me along the way. This is a space for adults who are looking to heal, reflect, and find new ways to navigate life’s challenges. Whether you’re dealing with personal struggles, trauma, or just the day-to-day stress of life, the Polkadot Circle is here to support your growth and help you find your way forward.
While Polkadot Pickle Books offer lessons for children, The Polkadot Circle is where adults can explore their own healing paths. It’s about embracing self-compassion, understanding our past, and finding strength to move forward, one small step at a time. Together, we can uncover the dots that connect us all, creating a journey filled with growth, mindfulness, and healing.
The Dot Shoppe is where you’ll find tools, gifts, and resources to support your journey—whether it’s healing tools, mindful gifts, Polkadot Pickle Book merchandise, or thoughtful apparel to remind you to stay kind to yourself and others. It’s a place to find inspiration, encouragement, and a reminder that every step of your journey matters.
Thank you for being here, for being part of this healing journey. Together, let’s continue to grow, learn, and embrace the power of healing. Let’s change the world, one polkadot at a time.
Healing starts with small steps, and I'm here to help with free Polkadot Space tips and tools for your journey. From empowering affirmations to mindful practices, these resources are designed to support your growth and help you embrace your authentic self. Start your healing today with these free downloads.
Pop in and grab "The Hidden Dots in the Shadow Starter Kit" For only $3
"The Hidden Dots in the Shadows Starter Kit" is a 17-page PDF designed to guide you through the beginning stages of your healing journey. It offers simple yet powerful tools to help you start facing your inner shadows and embracing the path of self-discovery. Inside, you’ll find:
Shadow Work Overview
5 Journal Prompts
Reflection Pages
Affirmations
Stay tuned! The full Hidden Dots in the Shadows workbook will be available soon to support you even further on your journey.
Looking for resources to help your children learn valuable life lessons? Pop over to Polkadot Pickle Books for fun, engaging stories that teach mindfulness, gratitude, and kindness!
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